Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Ok, now for the rest of you over 18, if you are at all interested in me acting ugly you can keep reading. Otherwise, I would suggest you go play, too.
I have had a crappy day and I'm not faking a smile anymore. I'm over it. I'm fed up to the lid and overflowing. Picture the nastiest toilet you've ever seen at a truck stop where you don't know the people that have been using it and it's overflowing all over the floor. Yep, that's about how I feel today. You know how you would run from that toilet....that's pretty much what everybody around me has done.
I don't know how other people deal with pain in their lives, but I typically take my hits and keep on going. I mean, what else are you going to do? Well, I've had a few too many hits lately. I'm thinking about checking myself into Rehab as a preventive measure. I don't drink right now, but I really wish I did. I got told today for about the hundredth time, I should write a book. I've thought about it before. Some really crazy crap happens to me. My fear though is that if I did, it wouldn't sell because only a schizophrenic would be able to follow it. My list of personal failures is too long to take that one on.
Oh, and before I forget, I have some "friends" today that can kiss my BIG ass! Yep, you know who you are, so how about that shout out. Don't you just hate it when you say something to somebody and they repeat it to you in that goober voice. That gets on my nerves. I'm having such a bad day today that I'm taking people (notice they are now people, not friends) off of speed dial. HOOKER!
It has always been my philosophy that you should treat your friends and family the way you want to be treated. Even though I'm not feeling very biblical today, if I'm not mistaken there is something about that in there. As a matter of fact, with the help of a friend (no I haven't condemned everyone) Matthew 7:12 from The Message version of the bible says, "Here is a simple, rule - of - thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them." I am discovering as I age that I do that for people. I am also learning with age that others do not. For some reason that still surprises me and hurts my feelings every time. That is what has happened to me today. It really hurts when it's family or someone you trusted.
In case you haven't noticed, I speak my mind and I tell the truth even when it might hurt me or it might hurt the person I am speaking to. Why can't others do that for me? Why do people lie? Why do people want to hurt people they don't even know?
I am hurt and even though my brain realizes that I shouldn't take it out on all of those around me, it does it anyway. Have you ever been so hurt you were angry? Well I am.
I think it is a self defense mechanism. Once you get hurt, you realize that you have some really shitty people in your life and you just clean house. That's it. I'm cleaning house. Whew, this is some spring cleaning alright. I've got a list. I've had a few people tell me they had a bad day....well, I promise, if you call me your day will look like a bowl of cherries.
I think everyone should clean house from time to time. Why do we allow people in that potentially could harm us? Thinking back, I had a gut feeling about all of the people I'm referring to and I just kept putting it away and telling myself to just be nice or to just get over it. I'm gonna work on that. For all those that already thought I was a bitch, i guess you might need to look out. I'm not a bad person, but I'm really tired of getting jerked around because someone else thinks it might be fun.
Hopefully, I will sleep on all of this and wake up tomorrow in a new mood. See, only a schizophrenic could follow this mess.
To hell with those that have hurt me today, just remember, you reap what you sow. I would never hurt anyone the way I have been today, but I BELIEVE that one day we will all have to answer for the things we have done. I don't claim to be an angel and I feel sorry for the person waiting behind me to get through the gates. They may have a long wait. I'm sure I'll have a lot to talk about before they let me in, but I can promise you, I would never fabricate something just to hurt someone. That kinda made me laugh, HA, the person behind me is gonna be thinking, "leave it to me to pick the wrong line." I do that at Wal-Mart all the time. I have a knack for picking the line that needs a price check or the register runs out of reciept paper. Anyway, more schizophrenia.
Hug your babies and share your love (I'm gonna work hard to find mine).
P.S. Now I'm home with my family and I actually feel better. Something about seeing the eyes of your children just makes you feel good. I'm trying and I'm working on things to try to get this situation taken care of once and for all. Good Night.

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