Sunday, June 1, 2008

Surreal Saturday

Well, I have sat here for about 30 minutes now not really knowing what to say. Hopefully, by the time I finish I'll have a title because I don't right now. I don't know what to call today.
My very good friend and office manager, Lelania, lost her mother today to colon cancer. The full realm of emotions have passed through me today and that explains why I am still up typing with my St. Jude cap on backwards at 12:45 A.M. I just came in from priming (yes painting) the columns on my front porch at 11:30 tonight.
I'm pretty sure I've steered clear of the "C" word on my blog. I absolutely HATE cancer. If you've looked at any of my links, you may have noticed a couple of things that would have led you to think that. Cancer runs deep in my family. I've been affected in that way my whole life, but a couple of years ago, I gained a whole new perspective on this beast. I know a child that was diagnosed and still undergoing treatment at St. Jude for Leukemia. He is doing well with treatment although it has it's ups and downs. Through that family, my eyes were opened to a whole world of what cancer does to a family.
FAITH....I can't even get my thoughts straight to say what I want to say. Click on the little picture of precious Jake to the right and follow that story. There are way too many people this happens to. I could go on and on with names and stories and each one is special in it's own way. Jake and his family are very special to me. I met them Memorial Day weekend 2 years ago and the meaning of life and love and faith changed for me right then and there.
I am so happy that Mrs. Hawks' pain is gone and she is laying in the clouds tonight and visiting with all of those that have gone before her, but my heart aches for my friend who was her only child. They were so close and I have watched everyday what this has done. Neither of them was ready to let go of the other. I can't personally imagine the pain in her heart tonight and I feel so inadequate as a friend because I just don't know what to do. I believe that God has a purpose for everything and I will NEVER question that, I just wish it didn't have to hurt sometimes. It is physical pain as well as heartache. My jaw is locked up and my muscles ache from being so tense. I obviously can't sleep either. If I feel this way, how must Lelania and her family feel? I'm a fixer and I can't stand it when I can't fix something. Jake, Mrs. Hawks knew all about you. Maybe you could tell her hi. I know you would like her. She is a sweetheart!
I'm praying for peace tonight. Dalton and Savannah did tonight, too. Lelania's daughter Mary has been in Savannah's class since Kindergarten. Both Dalton and Savannah love Mary. When I told them what happened this morning, they both had tears in their eyes and said they wish Mary didn't have to have such a bad day today. Isn't it amazing what and how kids feel? My kids have been around cancer and St. Jude and they understand a lot about the disease and treatments. They also understand that when someone loses that battle they really win. What better prize could we have than angel wings?
I'll do my best to focus on the positive and I'm praying for strength and intuition to know what to do as a friend for Lelania.
Hug those babies tight, and this is the perfect example of why you have to share your love. I sat with Lelania and her dad and mom for several hours on Thursday and when I left I kissed Mrs. Hawks' forehead and told her she looked beautiful and that I loved her. I felt silly with them watching me. But all of the silliness I felt was worth the peace I have in my heart knowing that I told her how I felt.
Sleep Sweet and Shake & Bake.

1 comment:

Dawn said...

I am so sorry that cancer took another precious person in your life. I HATE CANCER, but you know this. I pray that you and yours do find that peace that you prayed for. Such precious peace comes only from our loving Father.

Love you,