Monday, November 3, 2008

Rappin' (Or Somethin')

Now this is the story all about how,
Kacy Acree became a big fat cow,
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit down on a bench;
I'll tell you how I became the fatty of a town called Olive Branch.

In North Mississippi, born and raised,
In the pig pen is where I spent most of my days.
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin all cool,
And cheering at the ball games outside of the school.

When a couple of cells who were up to no good,
Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood.
I was out of town and feelin' so bad,
Talked to home and then got scared.

Went to the doctor and lots of tests took place,
He said, "RA", you should've seen the look on my face.

I've begged and pleaded with God everyday,
But the bible says, "It will be HIS way."
He gave me my faith and that's my ticket.
I turned on the TV and said I might as well kick it.

Prednisone, yo this is bad.
Cravings for things that stick to yo' ass.
Is this what the people with RA livin' like?
Hmmm, this ain't alright.

But wait, I went back to the doctor and got on the scale
That's when I realized the extent of my hell.
I don't think so. I've got some pounds to lose.
How do I do that with my current mood?

Folic Acid, Vitamin D, and Methotrexate.
I was excited for a minute,
Was this the end of the 'roids that I hate?

I ain't trying to cut corners, I know I just got here.
Doc said NO cause the swelling ain't disappeared.

Well, I whistled for a cab, and when it came near,
I said, "Find me a buffet," and never looked in the mirror.
There was nothing I could say. This is my life.
Thought about it a minute, then said, "Hand me a fork and a knife."

I pulled up to the house about seven or eight,
and I yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, smell ya later."
Looked up at my kingdom, I was finally there,
To fill my throne as the FATTY WHO DON'T CARE!

Well, that came to me today while I was vacuuming. SavyG had the runny tummy today or at least she did last night when she went to bed and again first thing this morning. Something miraculous happened after the first bell rang. SHE WAS CURED. So we spent the rest of the day just hanging out. That means I spent the rest of the day cleaning and being domestic.

Let me catch you up a little bit.

Friday was the Funky Fun Walk at Pleasant Hill Elementary. We had a lot of fun. And raised a lot of money.

And here you have the hosts of the Dance Party!

AND their two fabulous kiddos! (oh, lest I forget Princess Stella)

I must admit, that was my real hair. I am so proud of my 80's heritage. I can make some big hair. AND even better than that, mom pulled that dress out of her closet...100% silk. A little boy came up to me during the Dance Party and whispered to me...."I hate to tell you this, but my Dad was born in the 70's." HA. Was that a strange compliment?

Ok, let me clear something up real quick. Since I'm home and Oprah's on, I just heard that some people call it a va jay jay because they are uncomfortable saying vagina. Well, vagina, vagina, vagina. That does NOT apply to me. What do these people sit around and talk about all day? I think I would go nuts if I had to sit down and analyze why I call parts of my anatomy certain names.

Alright, so today, I tried my hand at more culinary delight. I have to admit that I just don't enjoy this. I read all of your blogs and I wonder if you really enjoy doing this or do you just like to make those of us that don't look bad. Be honest and please answer me on this one. Do really just love to cook and bake with the kids even though it makes a huge mess and really doesn't turn out all that spectacular? I like the feeling of accomplishment when I see the end of the project and it's all cleaned up, but I don't think I like it enough to do it all the time.

Anybody want some cookies made by a sadistic little school skipper with the screaming shits?

There she is!!!

Well, Blogger is on my last Predinsoned nerve tonight so I must leave you before I have to file an insurance claim for a broken laptop. I am open to any and all comments on how to deal with the 'roids. I have at least three more weeks before we can even begin to discuss tapering them off. They have added Methotrexate into the mix which just made me sleep all weekend and made my head want to explode. Also if anyone knows any great online places to get more information specific to RA, help. I love everyone I really do, but it really makes me angry to pull up sites and see white headed women in cardigans enjoying life. I'm 35, trying to keep up with 2 kids, run a business, keep the house and toilets clean and keep my fingers from bending sideways at right angles. Thanks to chemistry my hair isn't white, and if I owned a cardigan before all of this, I threw it away after gaining the first 20 lbs. I'm working hard on my attitude and sense of humor. After all, that's something it can't affect unless I let it. Somedays are just harder than others.

My thoughts and prayers go out to a fellow agent and his family tonight. That's all that needs to be said.

Hug your babies and spray your Lysol. Head off the runny tummy!



Well, just when I thought the day had shown me all it could, it got a little worse. I went right on over the edge. I think I had every reason to, so, of course, I shall share.

My hunk of burning love (that would be Jeff, for those of you that may have gotten confused) came home tonight with a gift for me. I know, all you saps out there.....before you start thinking how sweet that was, let me tell you what he bought me. Take a deep breath and read slowly.


Yep, you read that correctly. They were complete with the $3 clearance tag from Wal-Mart. Then he had the nerve to ask me if I was sure I couldn't just kick around in them. I told him it would be a cold day in hell before I would even try those on my body. He went on to tell me that once you reach "certain dimensions" there are just things you have to accept. This is a man who has been very well trained in women's fashion. He doesn't freak out at the price tags on my clothes and understands that one must have new boots every year. He's a down right dirty dude for this. Please pray for him. My doctors, my mom and I have all tried to make him understand that my mental state is a very fragile one right now. He understands that most of the time and even runs a bit of interference for me. Tonight, however, he took things to a new level. Pray for his soul.

1 comment:

Jessi said...

TOO funny! Have i mentioned that I love sarcasm?? Just ask my family and coworkers! You are freakin' hilarious and I adore you, woman. :)

Seriously? He's gonna pay for that one for quite a while....