Tuesday, November 18, 2008


While sleep is a good thing, it doesn't miraculously change life. In this instance, however, it probably saved me from a massive verbal vomit. It was Roid Rage with extreme passion and reason. I had every reason to feel like I was going to completely crack or just fall apart intensified by Roids. I have learned to allow myself to fall apart from time to time. I learn from it. While yesterday was hard, today the sun brought perspective.

I was overwhelmed by a million things yesterday. Today I was reminded that none of them matter. God has a way of smackin me around sometimes. Today, he punched the shit out of me. Hey God, I got it, thanks.

Dalton was running a fever yesterday afternoon when he got home from school. I had spent all day cleaning house and doing laundry and just being really angry about it. His fever was just icing on the cake or at least that's how I felt. I do realize that is selfish and I realized it then, too. It didn't stop the feeling though. He just wanted to sit in my lap. When your boy is 10, those moments are few and far between.

Even Izzy realized this was a rare moment so she jumped in on the photo op.

You know how when something isn't right with one of your kids, something in your gut tells you? It's that little thing inside you that doesn't have a voice and only talks to you. Nine out of ten times you don't even give it a voice...you just know it. Well, "that" was hollering at me last night. Jeff was gone to the Memphis game and he and I weren't speaking anyway so that was a good place for him to be. I text him and told him I was taking Dalton back to the doctor today. First he said that was stupid and I should just call since we were just there last week. When I told him NO, I was taking him to the doctor, he said he would take him. I didn't go to work yesterday and that meant I would be late today. Again, I told him NO. I was going. So, Dalton and I were at the doctors office this morning at 8:30 with no appointment. By 9:30 we were in the ER. Dalton has pneumonia. They let us come home about 2 this afternoon. Dalt is on some MAJOR antibiotics and close mom watch. Thank you God for screaming inside my head last night. At that very instant the doctor said head to the hospital, everything else just went away. I am so thankful to be home tonight and have hit my knees twice this afternoon thanking God. I can't help but think about those of you who aren't at home right now and those of you who have lost your babies. I can hardly even breathe when I type that,but it has been on my mind so much today.

Ok, now I'll try to CALMLY explain my brain yesterday. If you don't follow, don't worry, I don't always either. Have you ever seen that T-Shirt that says, "I used to be Schizophrenic, but we are OK now."? I want one of those. One's T-Shirt collection would be complete with that and a Clay Aiken shirt! HA

When I got up, I went back to work on Mo's scrapbook project. I had worked on it the night before, but hadn't put some special touches in like the little odd sized pages. Now, I have done that and am happy to report that I have a scrapbook table set up in my room that can be moved out of the way when I'm not working on it. I think my biggest problem has been my OCD and having to put everything up when I wasn't using it. Well if you have to get it all out and then put it all up every time you have an idea, you just don't get it out to begin with. We'll see how this logic works out.

I also discovered the night before, a little trick that made me just chill out and enjoy what I was doing.

Yum! Have you tried a White Merlot? I am a wine idiot, but I likey.

Ok, so the day went on and I was cleaning my house and even hanging pictures that STILL hadn't been hung. I got rid of those cobwebs, by the way. I get really angry cleaning my house but that's another story altogether. Even though I get angry, for an extreme obsessive compulsive, scrubbing toilet bowls is therapeutic. Trouble came a little later in the day. Jeff called and informed me of his company going to the game last night. While he would shoot me for putting this on here, that IS why it is MY blog. I won't be any more specific than that, BUT let's just say I loaded the BB gun AND had Dalton give me a refresher course on how to shoot the damn thing. I had already arranged my bail. Luckily, Jeff's brain kicked in and I didn't have to use it, but I was more than prepared and would have never felt remorse.

My feelings over that little situation compounded my feelings about my anniversary gift that I got on Sunday. I got a Kroger card for my anniversary. I now have a new respect for the elderly folks in the family that give me a bag of oranges for Christmas or better yet the tin of popcorn. I used to wonder, why bother? Now, I'm at least thankful that they took the time to actually pick a nutritious item out instead of giving me a gift card to the grocery store. For those of you that are thinking, OH NO HE DIDN'T.....


How many of you can say you got a gift card to your local grocery store for your anniversary, huh? He even went so far as to say that was the only logical gift he could think of since I had been eating so much lately. Thank you Pumba. (Hope you enjoy my FAT ass!)

Speaking of which, I have added a new feature for entertainment just to your right. Yep that's my weight ticker. I haven't weighed this much since I was 5 months pregnant with each child. I started the ROID cycle at 125. That was about my normal weight. Sunday, I gave up on not buying any pants to fit this big booty. I went and got some new pants in the double digits. I was a 4 when this started. NOW, I'm a 10 and yesterday, I weighed in at 151 pounds. Tonight, I was 149. I'll keep you posted. I had to pick an ending number so I put 200 on there. I weighed 172 pounds when I delivered both of my kids. That's the biggest I've ever been. I don't like it, but at least I can say I've taken the first step, admission. When Jeff came home from work yesterday (already on thin ice) he said baby your face has really gotten round. Thank you Jeff. We may need to go back to counseling, AGAIN.


SavyG and her little fast self, decided she would just start shaving her legs this weekend without mentioning it to anyone. She didn't realize that she would need a new razor after I cleaned and threw the used ones away. So she asked her Daddy for one. She's no dummy. She would have gotten away with it if he had known where I kept them. Instead, he came to ask me. ALL hell broke lose at that point. She and I have had this conversation. She's 9. She no shavey! So, now her stubbly little legs are grounded and the crocodile tears were flowing when I explained my disappointment and lack of trust that would have to be re-earned. Do you know how much that talk made me feel like my mother?

So tonight, my jaw is locked up, my nerves are shot, the entire house has been bleached and all beds have been stripped washed and put back together. I haven't been to work in two days and I while I feel guilty, I secretly don't want to go back at all. My hands hurt so badly tonight that I dropped my fork in the floor twice tonight while I was eating dinner and this post has taken me well over two hours. (I've been watching The Biggest Loser, how ironic.)

Hug your babies, share your love. Say your prayers.


Oh and all dogs have been treated with Frontline and Tony the Tiger has, too. FLEAS B DEAD!


Sassy in Texas said...

WOW...don't have much to say, just hope Dalton is better soon and I am sending you HUGE hugs, girl!!


Kacy said...

Thanks. Sorry, I just put it all out there sometimes. I feel better for getting it off my mind. This too shall pass!

Anonymous said...

WOW! I hope Dalton gets better very SOON! I have to take Mallory back to the doctor this week b/c she cant get over this crud either! its in her chest. She has been sick on and off for w few weeks now and I pray this is the last time I have to take her for a long time! We will say our prayers for him! Tell him we love him too! I'm sorry about everything else. I hope you have a better day! Love you