Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I am so sorry for my absence and I thank all of you fellow blog friends for checking on me.

I thought I was completely overwhelmed with trying to find a new home at the end of last week. Every time we found something, it was suddenly gone. Well, that happened twice and trust me when you are trying to decide where your family is going to live and your children are going to go to school and you have a timeline in which to do it, twice is too many. Twice is WAY too many times to have made that decision only to have it ripped away. So we spent ALL day Saturday torturing the children and making them look at houses. We finally decided on 5 acres out in the county with my third choice of school districts. I was just too overwhelmed with all of the decisions and trying to make them ok with myself to post. I didn't even know where I was so I had NO idea how to put in words yet....

Sunday morning we had some Father's Day festivities and headed out for breakfast and back over to the lot to take some pictures and see how we felt about it on another day. Let me interject and say Jeff has to be THE BEST FATHER EVER. I owe him a post and I swear I will get to it. I wish the tears rolling onto my shirt right now could just be automatically transformed into words but it doesn't work that way for me. I have to think hard on these things and my reserves are depleted right now. AND, by the way, he got the new Birkenstock sandals he wanted this year instead of a farm animal :) I'm still not sure which he liked better. When we were heading home from the lot (I'm not calling it a house even though one is there. It is a tiny 1100 square foot modular home that we could land in, but turning around would be difficult.) I got a phone call that has made me dig deep. My Aunt Beth, my mom's little sister, was found unresponsive at her house Sunday around noon. I got to the hospital about 1:30 and she has not woken up. She is on life support and has minimal brain activity. Yesterday we spoke with the Transplant Team, as that was her wish, and are having an EEG repeated this morning to confirm her brain activity when she is off of all of all of the seizure meds they had to give her. She began having seizures upon arrival at the hospital that took hours to control.

I've been thinking over the last few days as I have hardly left the hospital about all of the hard things I've dealt with before. I think this may be the hardest physical thing I've been through. As hard as it is for me, it doesn't compare to what my Grandmother is feeling. I have found a happy emotional place already. While it is hard to think about losing her, I have so many wonderful memories of my Aunt Beth. When I was 11 years old she sat and prayed with me and helped me give my life to Christ. I've been thinking the past few days that that may have been the BEST thing that ever happened to me. On any other day, if I had been asked, I probably would have said it was the birth of my children or something like that. I've come to realize though, that none of those things may have happened if it hadn't been for that day. It was my Aunt Beth that got me there. She taught me and she took me to church and she lead me when I asked her for help. What an AWESOME feeling she must have had to know she did that for me. What an AWESOME memory she gave me and an incredible eternal life. I know I will see her again. We believe that today will be our last day with her and feel blessed to have this time to tell her goodbye.

Of course, we are your typical dysfunctional family and mess is flying around us constantly. Please keep us in your prayers as we try to deal with everything on our plates. She has a son who is hurting deeply and again, my Grandmother.

We ALL need your prayers. Jeff is at work trying to figure out how to buy a house that doesn't have a kitchen. Yesterday, I was at the hospital and our realtor called and said the owner of the second house we made an offer on, which was the "perfect school, perfect location, but MUCH work house" had come back and asked if we were still interested. Jeff is working to get that figured out and Dalton has a horrible ear infection and is running a fever. He is so miserable he just cries. As a mom, you just want your own ear to hurt. He can't sleep. MISERABLE is the best word I know and I feel guilty for not being at home with him and guilty for not being at the hospital with my Grandmother. I'm at home now and about to shower to head back to the hospital.




Anonymous said...

I am so sorry about your Aunt Beth. She is such a wonderful person. We will be praying for her and your family. Please call me if there is ANYTHING I can do.

Dawn said...

Oh Kacy. I am so sorry to hear about your Aunt Beth. My heart broke for you while reading your blog this morning. You and your precious family are in my thoughts and prayers.

We did miss you at the Shake, but understand completely why you were not able to make it.

Love you! Dawn

Missy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Missy said...

My first post was half there lol.. Kacy,
I have no words or anything that will take your pain away right now. My heart is just breaking for you. I lost my big brother a little over a year ago from a car accident. We too had to remove life support after very minimal, then no brain activity. You, your family, including grandma, Aunt Beths son and the rest of your family are in my heart, thoughts and prayers. I wish I could come over and give you a hug, make you dinner, take care of Dalton..something.
The house situation sounds stressful right now, I cant imagine adding tht to your mix at this point...remember
Phil 4:13 I can do everything through Him who gives me strength!