OH MY MIND

do you ever have those days where your mind just goes on and on? i'm not into capitalization tonight. i guess it's pure laziness. it is 8:10 and i am in my bed blogging. i came home from work, took a much needed bubble bath, ate a lot of dinner and got in bed in my jammies.

today started out with some culinary delight. ha. i burned the crap out of two fingers but other than that no children or animals were hurt in my yearly candied apple extravaganza! october, as i'm sure you know, is breast cancer awareness month. somehow, don't ask how, in my brain that equates to candied apples (maybe halloween has something to do with it) tied up with pink bows and delivered to friends, business associates and colleagues. since there are only two days left this month and i hadn't already gotten around to it, i decided today would be that day.

then they get packaged up and delivered like this....

so, that was fun. it's good to see some folks you talk to often but don't really get to see. i had a really scary thought today as a result of one of these little run ins. one of the girls i saw was asking how i was feeling with the steroids and everything. i told her much better this week. i really hadn't even had the thought to kill anyone in several days. as i was standing in front of her laughing about myself, she asked me if i had noticed any weight gain as a result of the meds. ha! no offense but did you think i was a total idiot? all 22 pounds of my "new" weight was standing right there for you to see, complete with the rosy red cheeks. i just said, well yes, i'm trying to learn to love my new chin. thanks jessi, for telling me you think they are charming. at this point i'm just hoping my new one doesn't grow hair like the old one. as if our monthly "friend" isn't tragic enough, as we age we have to start growing stray hairs....do we ever catch a break?

good news on the canine front. i've been asking jeff to please take the dogs to the groomer for about a month now. we have this argument quarterly. when you've been married as long as we have you start to have quarterly arguments. anyway, he gets the dogs groomed really cheap and in return they get really bad haircuts. you may recall ethel's embarrassment with her va jay jay last time. when i take them i pay way too much but they look really nice. given the current economic conditions of this country, i was trying to save a dime and avoid the quarterly confrontation by giving my hunk of burning love every opportunity to get the girls groomed. after weeks of reminders, some not so gentle, i took matters into my own hands and am happy to report, ethel is not in hiding. she got an appropriate va jay jay trim.

she even liked her bows and still has them in. i'm telling you, these girls loved their day at the spa. they had the pumpkin spice spa works.

ethel is hard to get a picture of. she does not like the camera. mom thinks she's a lesbian. i'm a little torn on that topic. she may very well be, but i'm not convinced that if she were human she wouldn't be a nun. she's very much a loner. i think she spends a lot of quiet time off by herself in prayer. as a matter of fact, she's probably saying a prayer for the things i'm typing right now. i just had her fixed this year. she is 4. we tried to breed her, but she never got it. i'm not real sure what the deal is, but we love her for her.

now princess stella is another story. she is a true woman at heart. she loved her day at the spa and would pose all night if i were still taking pictures.

those are little "boo" bows in her hair. they are too cute.

tomorrow is hat day at school. i'm letting the kiddos fend for themselves tonight and they are freaking out. i'm in bed blogging and they can't figure out why i haven't gotten them prepared for school tomorrow. at what age do they become capable of handling that? i mean, seriously. all they have to do is find a hat to wear to school tomorrow. they aren't being asked to rewrite the constitution. i just bought new hats for both of them this past weekend. at this very moment, though, they, along with jeff are all in my closet looking for hats to wear tomorrow. savannah appears to have settled on my allstate hat and dalton on my st. jude hat. i wonder what happened to their hats. savannah was also searching my drawers for her shake for jake t-shirt. does the child really think i took hers or something? those kids are some strange creatures.

friday is the funky fun walk at school. it's a 70's themed fund raiser and it is tons of fun. jeff and i are the annual hosts of the fun walk dance party. we've got our costumes all put together. it's cool that it's on halloween this year. i guess it's pretty cool that our kids look forward to us hosting this event still. if i were them i would be embarrassed of us. i've got to run and try to get our music put together. i've had a ton of requests for the cupid shuffle. ha!

have a great night. hug your "creatures" and share your love.

cya,
kacy

WOW WHAT A WEEKEND

Let me start by saying, I LOVE BEING OFF WORK. I realize in a lot of people's eyes, I probably have it made. It is truly a blessing to own your own business. However, as I'm sure all business owners can understand, with that comes an incredible sense of responsibility. You feel guilty when you aren't there and it is very difficult to trust others to do the same job you think you would be there doing. I am lucky enough to have Miss Tosha working for me and I can really enjoy my time off. My mental health seems to be a little better. It's not great, but I'm not picturing wrapping thin wire around anyones neck and pulling it really tight anymore. Yep, I really felt that way. I know it wasn't good, just trying to keep it real.

Getting on with our weekend, we had Race for the Cure on Saturday morning and Mallory's (my neice) birthday on Sunday. SO, I had lots of pictures to sort through. I finally went back and sorted through the ones of Miss Tosha's graduation from Sales Producer University. I'm no longer allowed to talk about what company I work for on my blog....but Tosha graduated from an 8 week intensive sales program on October 17. They had an awesome graduation ceremony and Tosha won MVP of her class. GO TOSHA! We made awesome graduation signs and everything.

I've nicknamed her Posh Spice....Posh...Tosh....I don't know it just happened.

OK, lets go ahead and address my weight issue. Steroids = 15 pounds. I'm over it. My hands work, my butt is big. It's a good trade if you ask me.

I'm so proud of Tosha for doing this. She is an AMAZING girl and a once in a lifetime find for a dedicated employee. God truly sent her to me just when I needed her. She has grown and accomplished so much and I couldn't be more proud. Tosha, I love you.

At last count, I had 196 photos that I haven't shared a single one of so forgive me if I'm a little short on the pics tonight. They may be getting uploaded on here for the next several days. I just sent them to the printer. I always LOVE to see the actual picture.

I can't say enough about Race for the Cure. Thank you to all those that donated. This was my first year to do it. I was a little nervous before hand because I have honestly been miserable and I wasn't sure how the crowd would be. It was wonderful. What an amazing feeling!! I can't tell you how much it warmed my heart to see so many people out there for a single cause...A CURE. There was a sea of people in front of me and a sea of people behind me. We walked as a company so I have to say Thank You to the girls as well as my incredible kiddos who care so much about finding a cure for cancer. It amazes me the love in their hearts for the people and families of those affected by this horrible disease. I'm so glad they understand that each and everyone of us really does make a difference. AND my mother even participated. This was her first race ever! She has EXTREME crowd phobia. Going to Wal-Mart is difficult for her and she willingly participated this year. I am so proud of my mama.

Do you see us? (HINT: I wore a pink wig!)

I love you Jake and Aunt Katie. Grandmother, you are my ROCK!

NOW, we had a most excellent 2 year old birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. It serves it's purpose, but whoever created that place was seriously warped. The huge mouse freaks little kids out, it is a breeding ground for germs and parents in their right minds can't stand the place. BUT, Mallory had a good party and she LOVED her gifts.

Aunt Kacy was stealing some sweet baby Georgia loving.

Who could have ever imagined a Dora the Explorer Big Wheel could put a smile like this on a baby's face?

Rhett Man giving his BIGGEST smile for his favorite Cousin Kacy.

Nash just decided to take up the paci this month and usually prefers it to be upside down. Hey man, power to you. Do you what you gotta do!

Does my family have some serious BIG brown eyes or what?

Happy Birthday Mal Mal! We love you!

Peace Out,
Kacy

DOING MY BEST TO STAY AWAKE!

This is my BEST effort to stay awake tonight. It is past my bedtime, but the children's sweat pants are in the washing machine. Considering they need them in the morning at about 6:30, I have to get them in the dryer before I go to bed. We will be up at the butt crack of dawn for the Race For the Cure.

The "psychosis" seems to be better. That may just be because I haven't left my house for anything to freak me out. I have cleaned everything around here including base boards. YUCK. That in itself is reason enough for a psychosis diagnosis. I even baked homemade bread tonight and cooked dinner. Yep, something is definitely wrong. Mallory's birthday party is Sunday and I already have the gifts and they are wrapped. This is definitely not normal. It's cool, but it's not normal.

I found this awesome website to do children's chore charts. The whole concept is sort of like that of Webkinz if your kids are into that. Mine are WAY into that so it works out very well. You have a log in and so do each of the kids. They have a "virtual pet" they have to keep alive by doing their chores. My computer is a little freaked out right now so I'm not real sure, but I think the website is www.handipoints.com. I'll check that later and fix it if it is wrong. Jeff will have to fix my computer. My whole toolbar has disappeared. It does this from time to time and Jeff gripes at me while he fixes it. I don't know why he doesn't just show me how to fix it or better yet how I make it disappear. ANYWAY.....we are going to start the chart thing at the first of the week. There isn't anything around here for them to clean at the moment. HA.

So, that 20 pounds I worked so hard to lose after the steroids back in April has returned. There's just nothing like putting on 20 lbs in about 2-3 weeks. I've decided it just plain sucks and I'm working on loving my new chin.

The kids are so excited about the race in the morning they both went to bed early without being told. They had their clothes out and ready including hats and gloves (except for what they brought me to wash). It's supposed to be about 48 degrees at the start of the race in the morning. I'll have some pictures to share tomorrow. Wish us luck.

Have a great night if you aren't already asleep. Hug your babies too tight and share your love. Somebody out there needs it.

Cya,
Kacy

ONE DAY AT A TIME

I'm still here.

Well sort of anyway. I've really been having a hard time. I went back to the doctor today and they switched my meds up a little bit and I'm actually feeling slightly better tonight. He actually just gave me something to completely knock me out and it worked. I slept ALL afternoon. That was the first good sleep I've had in about 10 days. I was feeling quite psychotic. That was actually the words they used today....steroid psychosis. (I asked him NOT to write that down anywhere.) Steroids are some really mean things! If I take them, my hands work well enough to choke everyone in my path. If I don't take them my hands don't work well enough to hold an ink pen. HUMMM...This morning, I was ready to just not let my hands work. I have 9 more days to go. Hopefully, we will all survive.

Everyone around here is doing well. Jeff's back has been out. It's beginning to feel better. Dalton and Savannah both made Principal's List at school. SavyG is Star Student this week. She has had to do something special each day at school. Monday she took pictures to post on the board for the week. Yesterday she read a book of her choice to the class. She read Monster Manners. Apparently, it was a hit. Today, Jeff and I, had lunch with her at school. We actually stayed and had lunch with Dalton, too. Tonight, we are writing a poem about SavyG for her teacher to read to the class tomorrow. I'll post it soon. We are still working on it.

I'm working on a little chore chart. NO ONE in this house seems to understand that it needs to be cleaned before the Department of Human Services shows up and wraps this place in yellow tape. I'm taking off the rest of the week. Miss Tosha is back at work and for everyone's general well being, I need some time alone. I'm going to use that time to get this place in order as well and make a list of what everyone needs to do everyday of the week. It truly makes me sad that I have to write things down because those around me don't seem to be able to grasp them. I rearranged some furniture tonight and tomorrow I'm just gonna clean. Friday, I'm going to ENJOY the day off.

Saturday morning is RACE FOR THE CURE. Hopefully, my nerves will hold up and I'll make it through. Say a prayer if you have time. This is an important cause for me. I'll be there no matter what, but I sure would like to enjoy it.
I've got to sign up for Jake's Team as well. I recruited a new member this year. Rohn Cash signed up today to run the marathon. We've got to get signed up on the Team site. Raborn's, were coming, I promise. This year the kids are running. Jeff may, I'm not sure about him yet. I'm cheering, but I'm still raising money!! I'm really looking forward to it. It's become an annual event for my family and one I really love. I'm looking forward to the LA invasion. We've got room and board for those that need it. Just let me know!

I'll try not to go so long this time between posts. By the way, Grandmother is doing great. She still has a cough but is feeling much better over all. She also had her annual breast check and got the all clear again. It's been three years now without cancer.

Cya,
Kacy

HOME AGAIN HOME AGAIN

Sorry for my absence. We are all home home. Grandmother is at her home and I am at mine. It turns out that some of her meds had to be adjusted and she is doing as well as can be expected. She's getting a little stronger everyday. Please keep yours prayers coming for her if you don't mind. She's got a long road to get back to where she was. We so appreciated your prayers. You have no idea how much your kind words meant to me and to my family.
It feels great to be home and be with my family and lovely kiddos. They are so good. They are so fun and so sweet. I love that they miss me when I'm not here. Getting back to work has even been fun. I'm happy to be back.
Thats all I know to say right now. Thank you again.
Cya,
Kacy

WE BE ILLIN

Wasn't that a song? Well, life is good in Room 3244. We are celebrating the small things right now and will welcome larger milestones when they arrive.

Grandmother stayed awake and coherent to watch CSI tonight...that's her favorite show. She coughed up some "sputum" to complete the doctors wishes this a.m. and is eating and drinking enough to disconnect from the IV pump for most of the day. So this a.m. she had a little bed bath and then when they took her to x ray I changed her bed. I even remembered how to do my bed corners and got two compliments on the beautiful bed I made from nurses. (I didn't tell them I spent many years in school learning to do what they do. Looking back, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had become a nurse.) Anyway, all that action wore her out. She had some of her best friends come by for a visit. She was so tired she could hardly hold her eyes open. When they left, she said, Kacy, it's a good thing you brushed my hair before they showed up. We both look a hot mess. Trust me on that one. She's eating much better. We will soon be getting concerned about the Poo Monster.

Today just felt a little better. It makes me angry every time I walk down this hall. We are on the Cardiac Floor and she is in the room before last on the Cardiac Failure Wing. That word "failure" just really bothers me. We aren't failing. We are strong and we will leave here. Respiratory Therapy was in 3 times today and Physical Therapy once. We are strong women and we'll get out of here together.

I left for a couple of hours this afternoon to go see SavyG's soccer game. They lost 2 - 0 tonight. I don't know if I mentioned that Savy scored in the game Monday night. SHE DID. She played great tonight and shot a couple of times, but she missed one and one was blocked. Jeffrey cooked me some spaghetti. That was the best meal I've had in days. Dalton was his usual lovey self. He had a headache. THANKS gang for holding it together. I'll be home soon.

Thanks for the prayers. They are working. Please Please keep them coming. We are making the best of this but it isn't fun for anyone. My grandmother is scared and we've had to have some really scary talks about things that I wasn't ready to have. I just want her well and back home. Have a good night.
Cya,
Kacy

CHILLIN!

I love the name on my blog. I know that sounds stupid, but I've really thought a lot about that. It's a common phrase and that bothered me about it at first. But as time has gone on, it means more and more.
I am in a very unexpected place at the moment. I am sitting in Room 3244 of Baptist East hospital with my Gorgeous Grandmother.

That picture was taken early in the Spring. This one was just taken about a month ago...

Well, she got pneumonia. This woman is never sick! She's had pneumonia for two weeks and has been working with her doctor to try to stay out of the hospital. Apparently, she wasn't being real honest with her doctor or the rest of us and telling us how she really felt. (She's kinda stubborn! HA, wonder where I get it?) Anyway, after spending Monday night on the bathroom floor with no clothes on (she'd kill me for sharing that) she finally got scared enough to call us for help. So here we are. We are still waiting on test results, but not only does she have pneumonia, STILL, her heart is not working very well. She didn't have a heart attack! We found that out this a.m. Last night when I got here she couldn't even get to the bathroom and back to the bed without blacking out. This a.m. we have been back and forth several times and even ate a little breakfast. The stubborn fart has lost 21 lbs in the last two and a half weeks. They came and did her echo this a.m. The doctor thinks the pneumonia has just put a strain on her heart and that it is enlarged??? He says antibiotics, breathing treatments, bed rest and close observation. SO, here we are and I'm not leaving.

I lived with my grandmother growing up and she is just like mom to me. We survived breast cancer a few years ago and we will survive this too. Say a prayer for her if you would.

Tosha and Emily have the office under control and Jeff has home duty so I'm camping out up here. We'll give an update a little later on.

Cya,

Kacy

SCHITZOEMBOLISM #1

Well, I warned you they were coming and if you don't want to hear about it, just stop reading. Trust me, I wish I could stop feeling this way, but I can't and I'm not one to just keep it all in. Have you ever taken STEROIDS? If you have, I sure I don't need to say anymore. If you haven't, just start praying today that you never have to.

Today, my Schitzoembolism was internal. That's a much better type to have than those nasty outward ones. I have managed to get everyone out of the house, too, so I can just be. I am miserable right now. I just don't know any other way to put it. I feel like I have the flu and like I am on fire from the inside out. My mind is working fine and full of ideas and things I need to do and even want to do, but my body is screaming, "HELL NO". It is so frustrating. Have you ever had a day where you drove around in your vehicle and noticed how clean everyone else's windows were? (Somebody, please just tell me you have.) Well, I did that today (and yesterday) and my windows are filthy. The problem is, I vacuumed. Yep, I know. I figured vacuuming was more important than cleaning windows and that wiped me out....SO, I have dirty windows and I can't get them clean. Let me just keep going, my closet is a disaster. It is full of clothes that I don't wear and even some new ones that I forgot I had. My shoes are a wreck and something I can hardly handle right now. I can't wear them. I've bought a couple of new pairs I can wear which creates a problem of none of my pants fitting because of length. I've got to go through all of them and take them to get altered. That's something else that overwhelms me. AND, I have a serious jewelry issue. I have a ton of jewelry and I have no way to get it organized. I'VE GOT TO GET THAT UNDER CONTROL. Then there is the laundry. Do you have any idea how much laundry this household generates? I do have help now, but I'm so overwhelmed I can't even get my act in order to get the help and I don't like to watch someone else do the things I want to do. There you go...it came out. I WANT TO DO IT AND THIS STUPID BODY WON'T COOPERATE. I don't want to sit back and watch someone else do the things I want to do.

I did go to yoga this week. It was wonderful. I really liked it. Of course, it's difficult to just go, but I did at least feel better about myself for just going. I also got Emily's treadmill so I can walk some. We'll see how that goes. I'm working on making the diet changes but that's a tough one when you are on steroids.

So now it's 8:10 on Saturday night and I'm home alone watching Project Runway. I LOVE THIS SHOW. I don't know if I've ever shared with everyone that if I was totally brave and could do anything I ever wanted to, I would work in fashion in some way....fashion design. I have a ton of ideas and drawings that really stink. The ideas are in my head, but I have trouble getting them on paper. I lack the artistic side.

Emily and Tosha are out together tonight. Is that scary or what? We had a little photo shoot before they left tonight. Both of these girls are a hoot.

I'm worried about those girls tonight. They are just screaming, Hey, I'm young, I'm single and I'm out. They both have my number programmed in their cells and I gave them the mother hen speech.

I've also got a lump in the back of my throat. Tomorrow is a very special day in a very sad way. I miss Jake. I've been thinking about him the last couple of days even more so than I normally do. Today, I did alot. The days I saw Jake he never felt great. I wish I had gone to see him before I did. I remember nights, Friday nights especially, driving home and screaming at God at the top of my lungs, WHY? Why Jake? Why his family? Those were questions, that I sometimes see glimpses of answers to or what I percieve the answers to be. Obviously, anyone would give anything to have that baby here and healthy, but so many wonderful things have happened that you can see his little prints on. It absolutely blows me away. I will never forget the talk I had with God the day Jake passed away. I sat on the curb in front of my little house on Graham Lake Drive and cried and cried and talked out loud. I didn't care how I looked or what anyone thought. God and I had a serious conversation that day and HE answered me. He gave me a way to deal with what happened and to see the positive in it. That has been a true life change for me. I've thought about you a ton these last couple of months Baby Jake. I've thought about your strength and your courage and the hope you gave your family. I'm trying hard to figure out how at your baby age you did it and I can't seem to get my arms around it. I think I have even more love and admiration for you now than I did when I came to see your little flipper self in ICU or even suffering through the marathon. (You gave me amazing strength that day.) I love you sweetheart and you live strong in my heart everyday. I know you never thought you could give strength to strangers, but trust me, you do. THANK YOU RABORN FAMILY FOR CONTINUING TO ALLOW US TO LOVE YOU ALL.

Have a great rest of the weekend.

Cya,

Kacy

100 POSTS AND VOODOO

Well, I think it's official. Today, I became a voodoo doll. I spent 3 hours this morning with my new doctor. He is an excellent, highly recommended Rheumatologist that I'm pretty sure is younger than I am (not a great thing for my frame of mind) and he wears a bow tie. I actually had to have some strings pulled to get me in there this soon. If anyone is thinking of a career change, they should consider Rheumatology in the Memphis area. Dr. Boatwright himself even told me that today. Anyway, after 3 hours of poking and sticking and x rays, he confirmed my other two diagnosis'. It is RA. SO, for the next 30 days I am taking the nasty dreaded steroids. Get ready blog world, in the next 30 days we will endure cravings, weight gain and plenty of schitzoembolisms, I am sure of it. See I had a hot flash just talking about it. That's just another side effect. I should start to feel better in the next 48 hours though. I just have no energy and I hurt even when I lay down. IT SUCKS. The next 30 days are just to "buy some time". After all of my lab results come in next week, my doctor will start the process which I understand can be a long one, of getting my insurance company to approve a long term treatment. I already have some permanant joint damage in my left hand and my left foot. Those seem to be the most effected areas at this point. Treatment can run anywhere in the neighborhood of $6K to $9K per month. That gave me a hot flash to type too. I am thanking God right now that my husband works at FedEx and that we have excellent insurance. I don't know where we would be if he didn't. SO, I guess we will see where this road leads. I'm trying hard to get over my anger. The biggest part of my anger is stemming from being angry. I know better than to feel that way and have so many blessings in my life and so many things to be thankful for. I've done some reading this week and soul searching of course. I'm sure I have plenty more to do. I'm just going to try to focus on positive things and things that make me happy. It's time to pick up the paint brush and get the sewing machine out and go to yoga and....that list just keeps getting longer.

OH, SOMETHING IMPORTANT......

I am walking in the Race for the Cure. PLEASE go to my website and check out my cause and help me if you can. If you can't that's ok, all I ask is that you send it to someone you know. Here is the link: http://race.raceforthecurememphis.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1109583&pg=personal&fr_id=1080

Thanks so much. Have a great week.

Hug all those precious little ones and enjoy every moment with them.

(SavyG has poision ivy. She got a shot in the bootay today and acted a fool. I've been calling her IVEY. She doesn't like that name. She prefers SavyG or Vinnalicious. (Somtimes I call her Vinney. I'm not sure where that one came from and then when Fergilicious came out she became Vinnalicious) Told you we were a family of nicknames.)

Be Good.

Cya,

Kacy